How Well Do You Listen?!?

We spend about 70% of our waking day practicing one of the four forms of communication.  Within that 70%, we spend 9% writing (bloggers may have a higher percentage!), 16% reading something, 30% speaking, and 45% listening.  It is ironic that the communication skill we utilize the most is the skill least taught in school.  While we certainly may not need as much classroom time on listening as the other three, listening tips would benefit all aspects of students’ lives.  Here’s a discussion I hold early in the year with my speech classes.  The percentages are taken from a handout I received in college! Let me know what your thoughts are on this ~

 

Do you get irritated when people interrupt?  Or are you the one doing most of the interrupting?  Studies show that there may be significant differences between the sexes when it comes to stopping a speaker in mid-sentence.  Do you agree?

When a man and a woman are talking, for example, researchers say the man makes about 96 percent of the interruptions.  Men appear to have a few other gender-specific habits.  Some researchers say that men, for instance, have been taught since childhood to become problem solvers.  As a result, men tend to enter a conversation too quickly, and usually with a ready answer.  They fail to draw out the speaker with questions or to listen for more information before jumping to a conclusion.  Do you think these are generalized stereotypes or is there merit to this?

Deborah Tannen, author of a popular book on conversational styles called You Just Don’t Understand, states that most women use “rapport talk” as a way of establishing connections and relationships.  From childhood, she writes, women tend to listen for things they have in common with others.  Men, on the other hand, use “report talk” to preserve their independence and maintain status.  They do this primarily by showing knowledge and skill, and by holding center stage through storytelling or joking.  From childhood, men learn to use talking as a way to get and keep attention.  Consequently, they have a harder time learning to be good listeners.  Hmmm . . . more food for thought.

Regardless of gender differences, Grading Girl contemplates what can distort our listening skills ~

Filters That Can Distort Our Listening:

Education
Age

Biases

Attitude (pessimist or optimist)

Religion

Family

Experience

Emotions

Physical Condition

Morals

A good listener will . . .

Provide encouragement

Ask for explanations

Paraphrase the message

Summarize the message

Use non-verbal feedback

Now it’s time to look at yourself?  Do you listen or do you just hear?  Take GG’s little quiz to rate yourself as a listener ~

Answer “always,” “almost always,” “sometimes,” “almost never,” and “never”

~ Do you keep an open mind about the person speaking, and do you listen objectively?

~ Do you think about what is being said and how you might use this information in the future?

~ Do you concentrate on the speaker’s message and not on personal habits such as poor enunciation, nervous gestures, or poor grooming?

~ Do you find yourself interrupting others?

~ Do you tune out from time to time and daydream?

~ Do you tune out to think of what you are going to say next?

~ Do you look directly into the speaker’s eyes and tune out what is happening around you?

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